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Motherhood and Loneliness

Motherhood can be really, really isolating. Don't you find? Nobody ever tells you how you may not be able to talk to or see your friends properly or for ages. The different barriers that can get in the way to a decent catch up can all just become too bloody much sometimes. I remember when I had Matilda, our baby was due first in the NCT group but she came last in the end. Some of the other girls went into labour early, so when I had been 'overdue' two weeks, then in labour for five days and finally got home, to then receive messages saying "anyone else up for a walk on the South Downs?" just made my heart sink. I was so far from that point. To physically do it, to emerge from the birth experience and want to see anyone who might listen or grasp even a bit of what I'd been through... Sadly that was my time to tap out of the NCT group, as they were all 'ahead' of me and didn't realise quite where I was at. And didn't seem to want to check-in.

Other reasons it’s hard to meet up or talk on the phone:

  • your kids don't get on and squabble when you meet.

  • you're depressed and struggle to get out some days — and others may be fine and packing their days with classes.

  • when your baby (at an age where they can talk or not) has a total emotional wobbly that you're not able to bounce back from, and you're already anxious so you take that as a chance to go "fuck it, it's easier to stay in. I'm not going out".

  • when one of your friends is super intent on routine and won't stray from it to meet you.

  • you try to Facetime and it's a) just too noisy, or b) an accident happens whilst goodness forbid you try and look one another in the eye.

  • friends who don't get how tiring it is and need your attention, but think you can hang up when baby wakes and easily get them to sleep again.

, It HARD. To not have that chat, that connection, that cry and laugh with a good friend. And fuck this last two years has been that! Meet up when you can, nourish yourselves, fill your cup.

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